OMG, It’s me – I’m bitches.
We’ve all seen the funny memes. “Bitches be like ‘I can’t sleep’ as they slurp their third Starbies of the day and turn on a serial killer documentary…” And then we chuckle at the tagline, “It’s me – I’m bitches.”
But how often is this painfully true? How often are WE the ones in our OWN way, creating our OWN problems? How often are we the bitch in our own drama…
“Prove them bitches wrong.” That can mean so many things. For me, it was initially a sense of anger, injustice, a need to prove one’s self. But as I picked through the stalls, I realized I had already proved more to “them” than 10-year old Emily would have ever dreamed. After hearing from a variety of less-than-supportive voices how expensive it was, how much work it was, how hard it was, how it’s almost impossible to make it on your own, I was there. I was picking my OWN stalls. In my OWN barn.
For not just my horse, but client horses. People who trusted me for my knowledge, experience and (I think most of all) my kindness to their animals.
So if I had done it, if I had my own place with my own clients and my own business, why did this particular card strike such a chord in me? Probably because I still feel like I haven’t made it. I still have doubts. I still see that debt-to-income ratio tilting the wrong direction. I still work part-time “day job” hours to help pay the bills. I still find myself admitting “I don’t know” when it comes to the most random things that come with farm life (How do you move a fence gate? Where did that scrape come from? What are all these dirt piles from – do ground hogs really make THAT much mess?)
But you know what? None of that matters. I didn’t get to where I am knowing all the answers and making all the right choices. I am here through hard work, sweat, soul searching, tears, blood, saving money and then spending a lot of it. And just like all the problems and questions that have come before, I’m going to figure out the rest. I have the best support system in my husband, friends and family. I have he most amazing clients in this entire world. I have a passion that consumes me and follows me intro my dreams at night. So it’s going to be ok, bitch. Calm down. We’re going to prove us wrong.
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