Warning - this post is going to have about 0% to do with horses and a heavy dose of real life that you may or may not care about. But, it's the card that spoke to me, so it's the card you're getting.
The week of December 11 - December 17 has come to be the hardest week of the year for me. Three years ago on 12/11/20, we lost my cousin to suicide. Six days later, the 35th birthday she'd never celebrate came and went. Now, those two dates serve as a stark reminder of just how precious life is.
I approached this year with a stubborn determination that I wouldn't think about it. I would focus on the positive of each day and ignore the negative. Well, that went about as well as being told not to look at the elephant in the room. The more I tried to ignore the signifcance of the eleventh, the more irritated I became. When I was at the brink of emotional overload, I found myself venting to a younger, but often wiser, co-worker. In the midst of my ranting, I expressed guilt over the realization that there were SO many people in this world facing far larger problems than I was. That's when he dropped a wisdom bomb on me:
"What do you gain by playing by the comparison game?"
He was right. Comparing ourselves to others is never going to give us a win. Losing my cousin was hard and it continues to be hard. And that's ok. As soon as I accepted that, as soon as I let myself be sad and a little less "on" at work, in a lot of ways I felt better. Another friend dropped an equally insightful wisdom bomb on me that same day. She reminded me "Her memory is not lost in your joy" meaning, its ok to be happy. Its ok to find joy in the small things. Its ok to laugh, have fun - even when it feels hard to be happy.
"Her memory is not lost in your joy."
It doesn't matter what shit other people are going through, it doesn't matter if others don't understand the shit you're going through... it. doesn't. matter. We ALL have our own shit we're doing through. And let's be honest - shit's hard. That's ok. Do it anyway. Sit in your emotions, even the yucky ones. Get up early or stay late to put in the effort that others won't, even if it may go unnoticed to the rest of the world. Sacrifice for the one's you love when you have the opportunity, even if they may not see it. Shit's hard - do it anyways. Even if you don't feel like it. You'll be better for it in the end.
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